After 6 years of suffering, I looked up at a God I wasn’t sure existed and said, “Show yourself to me if you exist. I would rather live freely than blindly follow a God who won’t show up when I need Him most.”
That was 21 years ago.
What happened next is why I’m here today, sharing this with you.
The Losses That Led to the Ultimatum
Within the span of 6 years, I lost my mother, my grandmother, and my sister.
Not just people I knew. People who raised me. People who loved God. People who trusted God completely.
My sister was the one who introduced me to Christ. She told me I was precious to God—that I was the apple of God’s eye. She said that if anyone or anything tried to harm me, God would protect me, as they would have to go through God first.
She believed it with her whole heart.
And then she died.
Just like that. Gone.
My mom—gone. My grandma—gone. My sister—gone.
Three women who prayed. Three women who believed. Three women who loved God more than most people I’ve ever met.
And God didn’t save them.
The 6 Years of Hell
After their deaths, I didn’t just grieve. I descended.
I changed my phone number so friends and family couldn’t reach me. I couldn’t handle another “I’m sorry for your loss.” It made me angry—not sad, angry.
I stopped socializing. I isolated. I avoided anyone who tried to offer condolences.
The worst part wasn’t the loneliness. It was what happened in my mind.
A conversation started in my head—like a radio without frequency. Unending chatter. Continuous replays of their deaths. The moment I found out about my mom. The fear of death. The intrusive thoughts: “What if you’re next? What if your dad dies?”
Every. Single. Day.
For 6 years.
I prayed. I went to church. I tried to be a good Christian. I followed all the practices I was taught.
Nothing worked.
The voices in my head wouldn’t stop. The fear wouldn’t leave. The depression deepened.
And I kept coming back to one question: Where was God?
If God protected those who trusted Him, why didn’t He protect my sister? My mom? My grandma?
If God answers prayers, why wasn’t He answering mine?
Does God even exist?
The Ultimatum
I reached a breaking point.
I couldn’t follow the God my family told me about anymore. That God promised protection. That God promised answered prayers. That God was supposed to show up when you need Him most.
That God failed them. And He failed me.
So I made a decision.
I looked up—not sure anyone was even listening—and I said it out loud:
“God, if you exist, show yourself to me. Prove it. Because I can’t follow you blindly anymore. I would rather live freely like everyone else than follow a God who won’t show up when I need Him most.”
It wasn’t a prayer. It was an ultimatum.
Either God reveals Himself, or I walk away from faith entirely.
I was done with religion. Done with theology. Done with secondhand stories about God from people who told me He’d protect them—and then died.
I needed to know God for myself. Or not at all.
The Response I Didn’t Expect
I expected silence. I expected nothing.
What I got was a Voice.
Not audible. Not external. But undeniably present.
The Still Small Voice.
And it didn’t give me a religious answer. It didn’t quote scripture. It didn’t tell me to have more faith, pray harder, or trust the process.
It asked me a question:
“Are you willing to let go of everything you’ve ever known and follow an uncharted path?”
I paused.
Everything I knew? That included everything the church taught me. Everything my family taught me. Everything I believed about God, sin, salvation, prayer, protection—all of it.
The Voice continued:
“There are two paths. The popular path—the one everyone knows, the one theology teaches. And the unknown path—the one I will show you. If you want to know if I exist, if you want to understand why you’re suffering, you must follow the unknown path.”
I didn’t understand what that meant. But I was desperate. And I was curious.
So I said yes.
21 years ago, I stepped onto a path I didn’t understand, following a Voice I couldn’t explain, searching for a God I wasn’t sure was real.
What the Unknown Path Revealed
Over the next 21 years, the Still Small Voice dismantled everything I believed.
Not to destroy me. To free me.
1. God Exists—But Not Where Theology Told Me to Look
The first thing the Voice revealed: God is not “up there.”
God is External. God is not separate. God is not watching from a distance, deciding who to protect and who to let die.
God IS your BEING.
Not a being you have. Not a spirit inside a human body.
You ARE Spirit BEING, made in the Image and Likeness of God.
This wasn’t a metaphor. This wasn’t religious language. This was Truth.
The “Jenny” I thought I was—the one who was suffering, grieving, depressed, angry—that wasn’t me. That was the ego. The false self. A construction of the human mind.
My true identity has always been, and will always be, Spirit BEING.
And Spirit BEING doesn’t suffer. Doesn’t grieve. Doesn’t die.
2. My Sister, Mom, and Grandma Never Died
This was the revelation that shattered everything.
The Still Small Voice said:
“The human selves died. ‘Jenny,’ ‘Mom,’ ‘Grandma,’ ‘Sister’—those were false identities, constructions of the ego. But Spirit BEING never dies. The Image and Likeness of God is Eternal.”
God didn’t fail to protect them.
The promise was never to protect a human self from death.
The promise is that only BEING exists. And BEING is Eternal.
My sister, as Spirit BEING, never left. My mom, as Spirit BEING, never left. My grandma, as Spirit BEING, never left.
Only the false identities died. The ego’s story about who they were.
And I wasn’t grieving their loss. I was grieving a false belief—the belief that they were human beings who could be lost.
3. The REST of God I Was Seeking
For those 6 years, one scripture haunted me constantly: Hebrews 4:9-11.
“There remains therefore a rest to the people of God. For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.”
I wanted to enter that REST so badly. Freedom from the voices in my head. Freedom from the fear of death. Freedom from suffering.
The Still Small Voice revealed what REST actually means:
REST is not a state you achieve. REST is recognition of what already IS.
Ceasing from your own works means recognizing that the human self’s efforts are pointless. Because the human self doesn’t exist.
God’s REST is the BEING that already IS—needing nothing, lacking nothing, complete and perfect.
Entering REST means recognizing you’re already Spirit BEING, the Image and Likeness of God.
It’s not about changing your experience. It’s about seeing what IS.
Your Soul was never limited. There was never a dark night of the Soul. Only the illusion of separation.
4. The Lens of BEING
The final revelation: how to live from this Truth daily.
The Still Small Voice taught me what I now call the Lens of BEING:
Present All Conceiving Intelligence + Present All Perceiving SELF = MIND
This is the only lens required. Not the lens of human experience. Not the lens of ego. Not the lens of theology or belief.
The Lens of BEING.
Through this lens, you see what IS (Spirit BEING, God’s Presence, Eternal Perfection) and what IS NOT (the ego, the false self, human suffering).
This isn’t philosophy. This is practical, lived freedom.
21 Years Later: Where I Am Now
Today, I’m a Licensed Social Worker. I provide psychotherapy.
But I don’t just help people cope with their problems. I help them see Life through the lens of their Eternal BEING, and expose the ego, a false self that is not complete, whole, that’s having the problems.
Because I’ve lived on both sides.
I spent 6 years trying to fix “Jenny”—the depressed, grieving, suffering human self.
Nothing worked.
Then I spent 21 years discovering that “Jenny” doesn’t exist. Only Spirit BEING exists.
And that recognition brought instant, permanent freedom.
Not gradual healing. Not processing trauma. Not learning to cope.
Recognition of my true and authentic BEING, SELF and MIND.
The self I was trying to fix was never real.
If You’re Questioning If God Exists
If you’re reading this and you’re where I was 21 years ago—angry at God, questioning if He exists, feeling abandoned, exhausted from suffering—I understand.
I’ve been there. I’ve blamed God. I’ve challenged God. I’ve walked away from religion.
And here’s what I want you to know:
God exists.
But not where theology told you to look.
Not “up there.” Not external. Not as a being who decides who to save and who to let suffer.
God IS your BEING.
You are Spirit BEING, made in the Image and Likeness of God.
The self that’s suffering right now? The self that’s questioning, doubting, and angry? That’s the ego. The false self. It’s not you.
And the moment you recognize this—not believe it, not try to make it true, but recognize what already IS—suffering ends.
Not because your circumstances change. Because identity shifts.
The Journey Continues
Over the next weeks and months on this channel and in my work, I’m going to share everything the Still Small Voice revealed to me over these 21 years.
Not as a theory. Not as a belief. As lived Truth.
Because what I discovered isn’t just for me.
I just couldn’t keep this BEING Way of Living to MYSELF.
In May 2022, I started sharing this BEING TRUTH @https://sourceofalllife.com
So, others could use it to end their suffering, too.
The response was huge.
Now I have created a community, Maison De Vérité @ https://onebeingliving.com
Maison De Vérité is a Spiritual Community:
Focused on revealing your authentic Spirit BEING.
The mission is to help people:
- Reveal their true BEING
- Overcome the ego
- Find Happiness and Peace of Mind
Just by discovering their Eternal INDIVIDUAL Identity made in God’s Image and Likeness.
The content challenges the ego and offers an Eternal understanding of God, BEING, REALITY, SELF-Identity, Existence and MIND through the Lens of ETERNAL INTELLIGENCE.
It’s for everyone who’s suffering. Everyone who’s questioning. Everyone who’s asking, “Does God exist? Why am I in pain?”
The answer is this:
God exists as your BEING. And the self experiencing pain doesn’t exist.
Recognizing this is the only thing that will set you free.
21 years ago, I challenged God to show Himself.
And He did.
Not in the way I expected. Not in the way theology teaches.
But in the only way that matters: as the Eternal, Perfect, Unchanging BEING that I-AM-that-I-AM.
Welcome to ONEBEING Living. Welcome to Maison De Vérité
The journey your Soul has been searching for begins here: https://onebeingliving.com